I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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