Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
foreskin is a definite game changer
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
