I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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