my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
