I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
