everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
