my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
