the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
