I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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