I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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