I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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