so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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