i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
