I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
