you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
