I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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