I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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