Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
