with your own penis?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
