May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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