i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
