You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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