she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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