I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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