Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize