I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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