He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
