Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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