am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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