Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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