so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
