it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
