I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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