Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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