I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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