If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
