Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
