she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He passed out mid-signature
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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