Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Blood and glitter go together right?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
