I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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