im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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