so that wasnt chicken after all
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
