It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
