im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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