swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
