Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
