oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Buhtt sex?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
