just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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