wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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