In the future we'll all be gay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
