i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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