Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
