it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
