i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
