When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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