Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
