So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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