Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
