How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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