I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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