today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
