Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
