I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
