Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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