On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
