Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So many bounce houses so little time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
