dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
