on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
