the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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