He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
