Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
