I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
